Do you feel stuck? Are you unsure of which direction you should take? Do you feel a little lost? If so, it could be due to internal blocks. Often we can unconsciously create patterns and beliefs in our mind that are not working for us and this can result in a belief that this is who we are and that we cannot change.
For instance, have you ever had a great idea, but you refrained from pursuing this due to worrying what others may think or say about you or do you frequently imagine what others are thinking about you? Do you continually look for external approval and compare yourself to others?
These negative patterns are mental blocks, they serve only one purpose, which is to keep you stuck and unable to move toward that brilliant idea. This is most likely because you fear what is on the other side of NOT being stuck.
When you find yourself being apprehensive and doubtful of doing or saying something because of what others will think, you are actually preventing yourself from achieving the most amazing possibilities, that deep down you know you are capable of. Always remember, it is better to regret doing something than to regret doing nothing.
Imagine if we all cared what people think, would anyone ever have the courage to do anything? You and only you have control over your thoughts and thinking. No one else has access to your mind, and you have no access to the minds of others so don’t assume you can mind read, you can’t.
If you resonate with any of the above then it is now time to remove these blocks, read on and discover how.
“What anyone thinks is none of my business”
This statement is very empowering and will enable you to be your authentic self. Start using this statement at moments when you start to doubt yourself, just saying
“What anyone thinks is none of my business” will create an inner shift that will allow you to simply let go and be comfortable in your own skin.
In reality, all that truly matters is what YOU say and think about YOU!
It is now time to tell yourself a different story, one that works for you and empowers you, that allows you to be in the driver’s seat, that allows you to truly believe in you.
Stop wasting valuable time and energy worrying about what people think. Whatever is right for you is all that matters, if it feels right then do it.
From now on every time you look in the mirror repeat the following:
I am good enough;
I am unique and special;
I will be the me I was born to be;
What anyone thinks is none of my business;
I can do this;
This is the new me.
If you don’t believe in you then no one else will. Believing in you will allow you to recognise your ability to set goals. Accomplishing these goals will keep you focused and optimistic about the future.
Avoid looking for external validation, instead look within; this is where all the answers are. It is ok to get feedback and guidance from external sources but at the end of the day it is your decision that truly counts.
Don’t let fear of failure keep you stuck, you will learn and grow from whatever you do, be it a success or not, therefore there is no failure?
Fear stands for False Evidence that Appears Real. It is the main thing that holds you back from believing in yourself.
You have the power within to turn your life around you can do this! Believe and make it happen, you have nothing to loose and everything to gain.
It is your time to shine !
How would you like to earn money from doing something you love? If you love your job then that is great news. However, if you dread getting up every morning and long for the weekends then it’s time you did something about it.
So many are in shit jobs just to pay the bills, consider how many hours you are spending doing something that does not satisfy your needs. Imagine instead spending those hours doing something you love, something you are passionate about, wouldn’t life be great?
What did you love to do when you were a kid? For instance, my daughter loved photography as young as five, hard to believe but I actually have a photo of her at the age of five taking a photo. I remember years ago telling her that she was a talented photographer and her reply back then was “the camera does the work I just click the button”. She did however come to realise that this was her passion and now earns a living from photography, she doesn’t earn a fortune but enough, the big thing is SHE LOVES HER JOB. It isn’t about making a fortune or being famous, it’s about being satisfied.
I had another client who was a factory worker but loved fitness, he now runs his own gym classes and of course is very happy.
I always ask my clients what their talents are and most say they don’t have any, until we start digging a little deeper and then they always pop up, here are just a few, Music, Painting, Writing, Sport, Fitness, Creating Gift Cards, Dancing ….. the list goes on.
Simply by bringing these passions into your life may make your shit job not so shitty after all. As I said its about being satisfied and by realising your true passions you will come alive. You will feel invigorated and motivated to make the dream even bigger and who knows you could end up making a living from it.
Don’t get stuck on the grid working 9 to 5 unless you love what you are doing.
It is never to late, its not that hard, it is there inside you, don’t wait any longer.
Make a list right now of your passions, then consider ways you can bring these into your life right now, without quitting your job. You CAN make the time, all you need is the desire.
Don’t sit back and plod along, look within, realise your true purpose and GO FOR IT.
You can do this !
The start of a new year is a good time to look deeper, to examine your life and see what needs to change. This is why we tend to make New Years Resolutions, which often we don’t keep to. This is probably due to them being a ‘should’ rather than a ‘Want’.
The ‘should’ is what you feel is expected of you rather than what is important TO YOU.
When we hear from others what we ‘should do’…. this then keeps nagging at us and we can then start to feel discontent. It is not about anyone else it is about YOU. Only YOU know what is right for you, it does not matter what anyone else thinks, listen to your higher self and follow your instinct.
- Are you happy in your job?
- Are you happy in your relationship?
- Are you happy where you live?
- Are you happy with your weight/fitness?
- Are you following your passions?
Once you start to look at all these areas you will become more in touch with what changes, if any, that you need to make. These may not be life changing, they may just put you more in control of your life and reaching your dreams.
It is very easy to slip into a mundane existence and just plod along. Making small changes in all areas of the above could improve every area. It may be that you do need to make big changes, only you will know.
If this is the case, look at what is stopping you from making these changes.
- Is it fear of stepping outside of your comfort zone?
- Is it fear of the unknown?
- Is it fear of failure?
Don’t let fear hold you back. It is better to regret doing something than to regret not doing something.
It may be that you are in a place due to others’ needs rather than by choice? Most of us are trapped in prisons of our own making caring too much about everything that does not really matter. You have one life so make sure you live it rather than just exist through it.
The only constant in life is CHANGE. You can’t see into the future so don’t assume you can, don’t let “What ifs” prevent you from taking back control. Only YOU know what is right for YOU, look within, if it feels right just GO FOR IT!
Can you remember a time when someone’s words or actions ruined your day or even your week? We have all had those moments when we got frustrated or angered by what someone said or did or annoyed because we didn’t get our anticipated response or were let down. Feeling offended will cause you to react in such a way that will make matters even worse.
The truth is whatever anyone says or does is out of your control, do you really want to waste your valuable time and energy on what is out of your control? Instead of blaming the way you feel on others’ imagine being impervious to other people’s disdainful words or actions. It is possible, and it doesn’t mean that you will be submissive or avoiding confrontation; it means that you retain your power and remain in control.
The first step is to not react. The next time you find yourself annoyed or angry, stop and take a moment. Assess why you feel this way, if it is yourself you are annoyed with then decide what action you need to take to improve the situation. This puts you back in control. If it is something that is out of your control then you have the choice to either ‘let it in’ or to ‘let it go’. If you react you have let it in and it is now your problem, however if you respond and let it go, you retain your power, your state of mind is calm you are back in control. You will find this very empowering.
The second step is to disassociate. Be the observer; see the event for what it is. This will give you clarity and will prevent your thoughts from running wild. It is important here to be aware that your thoughts on the situation are simply your interpretation; they are simply your own story, your point of view. Your internal representations will be biased and will influence your feelings and behavior. Just by taking the time to view the situation and your own thoughts on the situation, will allow the intensity of your feelings to lessen and for you to be more detached.
The third step is acceptance. Accept that what anyone says or does is out of your control; accept that you have the choice to remain in control. Accept that there is nothing to gain by letting it in other than a negative state of mind. Seeing the bigger picture and being the bigger person will allow you to accept it for what it is and not to succumb to it.
The final step is letting go. Now you are in a calm state of acceptance, you can simply make a conscious decision to ‘let it go’. Take three deep breathes and let it go. Now you are back in control, that person or thing no longer has power over you. You will feel calm and in control, notice how good it is to hold on to your power.
Remember the only thing you have total control over in this life is YOU, by holding on to hurt, pain or anger caused by something out of your control means you are giving away your power. Whatever it was is now in the past, don’t keep it alive in your head.
Start to practice this in your everyday life then when something big comes along you will be well versed in how to handle it.
Countless people have grown up to believe that they are ‘not good enough’ this stays with them for years and years and affects their self-esteem and confidence through adulthood.
You were not born feeling ‘not good enough’, you have learned this along the way. It is all because of what you heard as a child from friends, siblings, teachers and even parents. What you heard is stored at an unconscious level and cultivates your adult behaviour.
Believing ‘you are not good enough’ can lead to anxiety, depression, social disorder etc. These are all labels that define a certain behaviour, however they are not the cause of the problem they are the symptom of you feeling ‘not good enough’.
Do you hear yourself telling you, I don’t fit in, nobody likes me, I am different, I will never be as good as her/him, I can’t do this, he/she is better than me in every way, No one is ever going to love me, I am not good looking, I will never be slim, I am different, I will never have what I want. Do you constantly repeat, “I lack confidence, I have low Self-Esteem”
The root cause of your issue is self belief, no pill will solve it, no one else can solve it, only you can solve it.
You may think that sounds crazy, but trust me it is true.
You are listening to everything you say about you, your unconscious mind hears what you say and believes it to be what you want.
It all starts from within, you are not broken and therefore you do not need fixing.
Once you start to notice your self-talk and your self-language you will soon come to realise that you are self-sabotaging.
Becoming aware of your self-sabotaging thoughts and language will allow you to realise the damage you are creating, you can then replace with Self-Praising thoughts and Language that will allow you to discover the true you.
Start telling yourself a different story, tell yourself every day, “I am good enough” say it every time you look in the mirror, make a list of all of your skills and qualities, yes you do have them!
Don’t look external for approval, look within, if you love you, respect you, believe in you then you can turn your life around.
Tell yourself every day, I am confident, I love me, I am good enough, and I can achieve whatever I want. Repeat over and over, every time you hear a negative thought, stop and replace it with a positive.
Believe in you and everyone else will believe in you too.
We are all special and unique, don’t ever compare yourself to anyone, it is ok to admire someone and learn from them, but don’t compare yourself because you are special just the way you are. Tell yourself this every time you look in the mirror.
Your unconscious mind is listening and you will very soon see a difference in your whole persona, you will feel good about you, you will have self-belief, your self-esteem will rise and your confidence will hit the ceiling. You can do this, it takes practice but it does not take long.
All the negative beliefs you have about you are simply someone else’s words from the past, it is not who you are, it is not who you were born to be.
YOU ARE SPECIAL AND UNIQUE!
So often through my coaching I hear people claim that they struggle to ‘fit in’.
I also felt this way many years ago, so I understand this from experience. Having studied Coaching and NLP, I now understand this in more depth and I thought I would share it with you.
Think about what ‘fitting in’ means to you. What is it that you feel is missing? How do you know you don’t fit it? How would you know if you did fit in? What would be different? How would you feel? What would you hear? What would you see?
The truth is, there is nowhere for you to ‘fit in’. There is no key that unlocks that special place for you. You are searching for something you will never find because there is no such place.
You see ‘not fitting in’, is something that you have created in your own mind, just as I did many years ago. I didn’t believe I fitted in at school, at work, in later years when I had children, I didn’t feel I fitted in with other Mums at the schools. When the befriended me and invited me out with them, I didn’t get why they wanted to be friends with me because in my head, I just didn’t fit in.
So there lies the key, it was all in my head! No one else thought I didn’t fit in, they liked me, they included me, in fact I didn’t really have any enemies, most people generally ‘liked me’. It was simply a belief, just as it is for you.
We are all unique, special, beings, we all have different needs, qualities, desires, talents, preferences and dreams, and so on and on. So why do some of us have this misbelief that we do not ‘fit in’, where did it come from.
In NLP there is a period between the ages of one to seven which we refer to as the imprint age. This is the period in life that we just absorb everything, we are like a sponge, we take in all that we hear, feel, smell, taste and it is embedded in our unconscious mind. In later years this transmits into our behaviour and beliefs. So somewhere way back in your child hood, you learned to believe that you ‘don’t fit in’, just as I did.
I remember when I was six years old, my mother insisted I had my hair cut short. I didn’t want it cut, I hated it so much that I dreaded going to school the next day. As you can probably imagine, I was laughed at and told I looked like a boy, amongst many other comments. Even the Teacher made a joke at my expense, when calling my name from the register, I raised my hand, she said “you’re not Vicki, where is she”. The whole class was looking at me and laughing aloud and I just wanted to run, run as far away from that school as I could. But of course I couldn’t, I had to stay, and put up with the finger pointing and laughing all day and even the next day. So that was where I decided that ‘I didn’t fit in’. Of course, I had forgotten all about this until it came to the surface during practice through my NLP Training.
The good news is, if you have learned it, then you can unlearn it. For many years I told myself “I don’t fit in”, if you keep telling yourself this, then like me, you won’t fit in anywhere. So stop right now, don’t tell yourself this ever again. You are listening to everything you say about yourself so ensure you tell yourself the good stuff like, “I am unique, special, and comfortable with who I am”.
No one fits in anywhere or needs to, we are all different, some people we get along with, others we don’t, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them or us, it just is what it is.
Think back to the time when you could have learned this mis-belief, it could have been after the imprint age, maybe you were bullied or picked on by your friends, siblings, maybe you heard a striking comment from your teachers, or even your parents, that lodged itself deep within your unconscious.
The next step is unlearning that belief, to start with stop comparing yourself to others, be happy being your unique self. Stop saying to yourself and others “I don’t fit in”. Every time you are about to think or say this, stop, shake yourself off, and remind yourself that you don’t have to fit in anywhere, that you are special and unique just as everyone one else is. Your unconscious mind believes everything you tell it to be something positive, something you want, so it is very important to start being aware of your self-talk and ensure it is working for you and not against you.
Keep practicing every day, it doesn’t take long to unlearn old behaviour that is not serving you well, but it does take practice
This is just the beginning, if you want to know more about how to overcome limiting beliefs and decisions that are holding you back, then visit my website for further information. http://www.vickifrench.com.
So my lovely unique reader, make a decision with yourself right now that being you is simply awesome!