Building Confidence and Self-Esteem

Countless people have grown up to believe that they are ‘not good enough’ this stays with them for years and years and affects their self-esteem and confidence through adulthood.

You were not born feeling ‘not good enough’, you have learned this along the way.  It is all because of what you heard as a child from friends, siblings, teachers and even parents.  What you heard is stored at an unconscious level and cultivates your adult behaviour.

Believing ‘you are not good enough’ can lead to anxiety, depression, social disorder etc.  These are all labels that define a certain behaviour, however they are not the cause of the problem they are the symptom of you feeling ‘not good enough’.

Do you hear yourself telling you, I don’t fit in, nobody likes me, I am different, I will never be as good as her/him, I can’t do this, he/she is better than me in every way, No one is ever going to love me, I am not good looking, I will never be slim, I am different, I will never have what I want.  Do you constantly repeat, “I lack confidence, I have low Self-Esteem”

The  root cause of your issue is self belief, no pill will solve it, no one else can solve it, only you can solve it.

You may think that sounds crazy, but trust me it is true.

You are listening to everything you say about you, your unconscious mind hears what you say and believes it to be what you want.

It all starts from within, you are not broken and therefore you do not need fixing.

Once you start to notice your self-talk and your self-language you will soon come to realise that you are self-sabotaging.

Becoming aware of your self-sabotaging thoughts and language will allow you to realise the damage you are creating, you can then replace with Self-Praising thoughts and Language that will allow you to discover the true you.

Start telling yourself a different story, tell yourself every day, “I am good enough” say it every time you look in the mirror, make a list of all of your skills and qualities, yes you do have them!

Don’t look external for approval, look within, if you love you, respect you, believe in you then you can turn your life around.

Tell yourself every day, I am confident, I love me, I am good enough, and I can achieve whatever I want. Repeat over and over, every time you hear a negative thought, stop and replace it with a positive.

Believe in you and everyone else will believe in you too.

We are all special and unique, don’t ever compare yourself to anyone, it is ok to admire someone and learn from them, but don’t compare yourself because you are special just the way you are.  Tell yourself this every time you look in the mirror.

Your unconscious mind is listening and you will very soon see a difference in your whole persona, you will feel good about you, you will have self-belief, your self-esteem will rise and your confidence will hit the ceiling.  You can do this, it takes practice but it does not take long.

All the negative beliefs you have about you are simply someone else’s words from the past, it is not who you are, it is not who you were born to be.










Stop THINKING and start DOING !

Are you stuck?  If you are not happy with your life then stop Thinking and start Doing! Only you are in control of you,  No one can make you feel anything unless you allow it, no one can make you do something unless you allow it. The only person responsible for keeping you stuck is you. 
So often people stay in a place where their needs and wants are not being met, yet they remain there and constantly complain and moan about how miserable they are. This could be due to your job, your relationship or even where you live.  To improve a situation, you can only change the things that you are in control of, and sometimes that may mean that you simply have to walk away!
OVERTHINKING When you have reached this moment, when you know that it is time to move on, what can happen is that you keep putting it off.  You keep telling yourself that maybe things will change, maybe all will be better next week, next month and so on.   Sometimes we just don’t want to face it, because it is too big, taking action is far too scary so we keep pushing it away and not addressing it.  This is fear keeping you stuck, fear of the unknown will prevent you from taking action.  You may suddenly realise that months have passed and nothing has changed.  You know what you need to do but all the ‘what if’s’ keep you from moving on.   You will begin to overthink everything and wonder how life will be on the other side, you worry if you will cope and manage outside of your safe but insufferable bubble.  You will play out all sorts of scenarios in your head, of all the worst things that can happen.  The truth is that you can never know the future so don’t try and invent one, don’t waste your valuable energy focusing on what may be.   You only need to ask and answer one question and that is the one you know the answer to……What will happen if I stay?
LOOK WITHIN You have all the answers inside; no one else can decide for you.  There are many times in life when making a decision is so tough that you reach out to others for the answer.  It is fine to get advice and to use friends and family as a sounding board, but only you know how you feel deep inside no one else can make that final decision for you.  Here is an exercise that will help you to get in touch with your higher self.  Take some time alone to be quiet and in the moment, clear you mind, concentrate on your breathing for about forty seconds.  Once your mind is clear and you are calm and relaxed, place both hands on the centre of your chest, your heart chakra.  Now ask the question.  You are now looking to your higher self, this is your truth, and this is where all your answers reside. When you quieten the mind you are present and in the now.  You are not concerned about the past and you are not fearful of the future.  Taking necessary action should be taken in a calm state, not an angry stressed state.  When you are calm and in control and look within, you are then at peace with your higher self.  This will allow clarity and focus and give you strength to take action.
MOVING ON Once you have looked within and have made the right decision for you, you will feel a deep sense of relief, you will know without a doubt that this is the right thing to do.  You will feel a little fear, but it is more excitement because you know you are about to become free of all that has kept you stuck.  Whenever a doubt crosses your mind, go back to this feeling, and remind yourself how good it feels. 
Here is a visualisation exercise to help keep you on track. Take some quiet time and clear your mind as above.  Now picture yourself on the other side, having taken action.  Make the picture panoramic, see everything in bright full colour, feel how great it is to be free, hear all the sounds around you.  When the image is at its most vibrant gently squeeze your earlobe and hold it there until the image starts to dim, now let go of your chosen earlobe and open your eyes.  This is your Anchor, now whenever you get doubts or fears, simply squeeze your anchor to bring this visualisation back into your mind, breathe and tell yourself “I can do this”.
It is normal to first feel elated and then to question yourself.  However just remember that the initial elation and relief you felt was because you knew you had done the right thing. Don’t ever loose site of that. When you have those moments of doubt, go back to that initial state of elation and freedom and embrace it, hold on to it, because that was you being in the moment, you being in the now and  the now is all that matters. 
There will be days when you look back and that is ok but don’t sit and dwell on the past.  Remember the past is done; you can’t change it, so let go and move on.  Concentrate on the future and all that you want, forget about what you don’t want.
Life is for living, not for being stuck, if you are not happy, don’t blame and point the finger, if you are not happy, take action and move on, you owe it to yourself.  
You can create Anchors every time you find yourself in a good head space, for instance when you find yourself feeling very happy, or full of confidence, just simply use a knuckle, or an elbow to Anchor this state.  Then, whenever you need to bring that state of mind into being you just squeeze your Anchor.
One day very soon, you will sit back and wonder why you stayed stuck for so long!

Do you feel you just dont ‘fit in?

So often through my coaching I hear people claim that they struggle to ‘fit in’.

I also felt this way many years ago, so I understand this from experience.  Having studied Coaching and NLP, I now understand this in more depth and I thought I would share it with you.

Think about what ‘fitting in’ means to you.  What is it that you feel is missing? How do you know you don’t fit it? How would you know if you did fit in? What would be different? How would you feel?  What would you hear? What would you see?

The truth is, there is nowhere for you to ‘fit in’.  There is no key that unlocks that special place for you.  You are searching for something you will never find because there is no such place.

You see ‘not fitting in’, is something that you have created in your own mind, just as I did many years ago.  I didn’t believe I fitted in at school, at work, in later years when I had children, I didn’t feel I fitted in with other Mums at the schools.   When the befriended me and invited me out with them, I didn’t get why they wanted to be friends with me because in my head, I just didn’t fit in.

So there lies the key, it was all in my head!  No one else thought I didn’t fit in, they liked me, they included me, in fact I didn’t really have any enemies, most people generally ‘liked me’.  It was simply a belief, just as it is for you.

We are all unique, special, beings, we all have different needs, qualities, desires, talents, preferences and dreams, and so on and on.  So why do some of us have this misbelief that we do not ‘fit in’, where did it come from.

In NLP there is a period between the ages of one to seven which we refer to as the imprint age.  This is the period in life that we just absorb everything, we are like a sponge, we take in all that we hear, feel, smell, taste and it is embedded in our unconscious mind.  In later years this transmits into our behaviour  and beliefs. So somewhere way back in your child hood, you learned to believe that you ‘don’t fit in’, just as I did.

I remember when I was six years old, my mother insisted I had my hair cut short.  I didn’t want it cut, I hated it so much that I dreaded going to school the next day.  As you can probably imagine, I was laughed at and told I looked like a boy, amongst many other comments.  Even the Teacher made a joke at my expense, when calling my name from the register, I raised my hand, she said “you’re not Vicki, where is she”.  The whole class was looking at me and laughing aloud and I just wanted to run, run as far away from that school as I could.  But of course I couldn’t, I had to stay, and put up with the finger pointing and laughing all day and even the next day.  So that was where I decided that ‘I didn’t fit in’.  Of course, I had forgotten all about this until it came to the surface during practice through my NLP Training.

The good news is, if you have learned it, then you can unlearn it.  For many years I told myself “I don’t fit in”, if you keep telling yourself this, then like me, you won’t fit in anywhere.  So stop right now, don’t tell yourself this ever again.  You are listening to everything you say about yourself so ensure you tell yourself the good stuff like, “I am unique, special, and comfortable with who I am”.

No one fits in anywhere or needs to, we are all different, some people we get along with, others we don’t, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them or us, it just is what it is.

Think back to the time when you could have learned this mis-belief, it could have been after the imprint age, maybe you were bullied or picked on by your friends, siblings, maybe you heard a striking comment from your teachers, or even your parents, that lodged itself deep within your unconscious.

The next step is unlearning that belief, to start with stop comparing yourself to others, be happy being your unique self.  Stop saying to yourself and others “I don’t fit in”.  Every time you are about to think or say this, stop, shake yourself off, and  remind yourself that you don’t have to fit in anywhere, that you are special and unique just as everyone one else is.  Your unconscious mind believes everything you tell it to be something positive, something you want, so it is very important to start being aware of your self-talk and ensure it is working for you and not against you.

Keep practicing every day, it doesn’t take long to unlearn old behaviour that is not serving you well, but it does take practice

This is just the beginning, if you want to know more about how to overcome limiting beliefs and decisions that are holding you back, then visit my website for further information.

So my lovely unique reader, make a decision with yourself right now that being you is simply awesome!

Warmest wishes.





New Year New You…

At the start of a new year its always cold, grey and dark outside but it doesn’t have to be the same inside.

If you have entered January with a doom and gloom feeling, that nothing will change, that it will be just the same as last year, that your life sucks.

Then stop right there and realise that you and only you have the power to make this year the best year you have ever had.  That may sound so ridiculous, and so far out of your reach right now, but wait there is more.

Think of one single thing in your life, that if you could, you would change right now.

Now imagine how you would feel if that change was to happen right now.

You are probably thinking, ‘yea it feels great, but it’s never going to happen, its impossible’.

What if it is possible?  What if I told you that thinking this way is a choice, that thinking this way is an easy option, that by choosing the easy option YOU are keeping yourself stuck.

Now see it differently, if it is you that is keeping your self stuck, then it is you that can get yourself unstuck. You have the power within to overcome anything that is holding you back.   If you believe that it is impossible then it will be.  If you believe you can do this then you will.

Make a decision with yourself right now, that you are going to get unstuck.  Ask yourself “How can this get even better?”.  As soon as you put this question out there, you are changing your energy flow, from ‘I am stuck here for ever’, to ‘I am ready for change’.

Nothing is impossible, it may be difficult, it will take time and effort, but you can do this.  As soon as you take action then it all begins.  Take the first step, then the second, then the third and so on.  It wont happen over night, but by breaking it down into small steps, you will see fast results that will keep you motivated and moving forward, you will feel energised and in control.

Once you look within and Unlock your Inner Power you can achieve anything you desire.

If you hate your job, don’t stay. But don’t just go and get another job, decide what you would love to do and then search for it and don’t give up until you find it.

If you are unhappy in your relationship, decide why and how you can improve it.  If you know for sure it is over, then end it.  Its bad enough to waste your time but to waste the time of your partner is even worse.  If you know deep down that its time to set you and your partner free then do it.

If you are overweight or unfit, make a decision right now to get more exercise and to eat healthily.  Diets are a short term answer.  You cant live on a diet for the rest of your life and generally once you come off it, the weight goes straight back on.  Instead, eat healthy food, cut out all the junk and eating between meals.  Start getting more exercise, walk more, use the stairs, small changes make a big difference. When you feel good about yourself, you will be motivated and energised.

You are where you are and how you are, because of you, no one or nothing else.

Once you realise the power you have within, you can change your life and be the person you were born to be.

So make a decision with yourself right now that 2016 is your year!



If you constantly ‘try’ you will never succeed!

There is no try, you either DO or you DONT. As soon as you hear yourself stating, “I will try and do that”, this is you giving yourself lip service, you know deep down that it just isn’t gonna happen.

Read these three statements:

  1. I am going to try and finish my course before the end of the year. 
  2. I will finish my course before the end of the year.
  3. I will not finish my course before the end of the year.

You see the difference, in number 2 and 3 there is a commitment, a decision. In number 1 there is blah!

By stating you are trying, you are admitting that you are not actually doing anything towards reaching this goal but you know full well that you should be.

For one day, remove the word ‘try’ from your vocabulary and see the difference, feel how better your day becomes.

When your boss says, I need you here dead on 8.30am, don’t say “Ok I’ll try, but traffic may cause delays”. Instead say “I will be here dead on time”.

When someone says are you coming to the pub this evening. Don’t say “I’ll try” say instead “Of course I am” or “No sorry I cant make it”.

When someone asks “are you going to book that exam”? Don’t say I will try and do it as soon as possible. Say “I will do so right now”. Or “I have decided not to do it”.

When there is no try, you are in control, you are making decisions, you are making commitments. When you are in control, you are on track, motivated and moving forward.

Don’t let this small three lettered word, keep you stuck, and prevent you from achieving and moving on in life.

Remember you are listening to everything you say, ensure you tell yourself the truth.

The problem isn’t depression…

…The problem is what is causing the Depression.  Depression is a label that is attached to people who are struggling to find anything good about their life. The word Depression is generic, and the drugs prescribed for it are not treating the root cause, they are masking it.

There is a reason for your depression, you didn’t just wake up one day depressed. You were not born depressed.  You maybe  struggling in some areas, or you may have past hurt and pain, or you may be lonely, there could be a number of reasons you are feeling like you are, the key is in discovering the root cause of your problem.  Sometimes it may have been going on for so long, that you can’t even remember a time where you felt good.

This is where Coaching can assist by allowing you to dig deep within, to discover the root cause. Once you discover the cause you can then start to undo and release all that is keeping you stuck. It will take time and effort, but it won’t take months.

NLP techniques work fast, on fears, phobias, anxiety, limiting beliefs and decisions.  You will start to climb out of that black hole step by step, you will move forward and start to discover your true self once again.  Once you realise and harness the power you hold within, you will then be able to take back control, because that is all that has happened….you have lost control of you.

Through coaching I have helped clients overcome depression, they have taken back control and have the tools with them to prevent them from ever sliding backwards.  If you are in this place then here are three key steps that will get you started on taking back control.

  • Become aware of your thoughts.  Thoughts come before the emotion, therefore however you feel is due to your thoughts.  A thought is just that, a thought and nothing more.  But when you allow self destructive thoughts to take control then this is self-sabotage.  So start to become aware of your thoughts, realise that you can let bad thoughts in or you can let them go, it is your choice. You alone have this power within, and once you make this power work for you, instead of against you. then you are taking back control. So start practising right now.  When you wake up tomorrow morning, become aware of your first thought.  If it is working against you, replace it with a thought that will work for you.  Practice this through out the day.  As soon as your mood drops, consider the thought that promoted that drop in mood and then decide how you can change that thought or if you should just simply let it go.
  • Look deep within, dig down deep and start to write up a list of all that is wrong in your life. Take time over this, keep the list around and add to it daily.  It may be difficult at first, but you know the answers, you can do this.  Once you have the list drawn up you can then prioritise them in order of importance.  Then take the number 1 issue and decide what needs to change to improve your life right now.  Can you alone make this change? Do you need to ask for help from family or friends?.  There is always an answer be open to finding it.  Take small steps, don’t look at the big picture, taking it step by step will allow you to slowly start taking back control.  Sometimes just little changes can make a big difference.  This takes effort and time but if you want to get out of that whole then make the time and effort and see how good it feels.
  • You may uncover past memories that are keeping you stuck. Now is the time to realise that they are just memories and that you and only you can put them to rest.  No matter how bad they are, they are now just memories and they are only  alive in your head.   Holding on to them is doing you no good, blaming others for anything, is doing you no good.  Make a decision with yourself that it is all in the past, you cant change it so you are going to finally let them go once and for all.

Now that you are ready to let go of the past memories complete this Releasing Exercise to ensure that they are gone for ever.

Sit quietly and close your eyes, gather the unwanted memories, feel and see where they are inside of you, they could be in your head, or your chest or your stomach, give them a colour and a shape.  Now when you are ready, take a huge deep breathe in and then blow out with full force, blowing those memories away, take another deep breath in and do the same and see those memories going up through the hemisphere and into space and dispersing into tiny dust particles.  Now breathe gently, taking in the colour blue, relax, feel good that you have let go of all that negativity.   As human beings we have so much power within, master that power and make it work for you, not against you.

Remember no one can make you feel anything unless you allow it!

If you would like to learn more, contact me below.

Warmest wishes.

Follow your heart…

When you know something is right, you know from within, you don’t have to seek advice or approval from others.  It feels right, it looks right and it sounds right, you simply feel so passionate about this decision that nothing could change your mind. You may choose to share your decision with others, simply to get their take on it, but any opposition will go right out the window.

What is happening here is that you are following your heart, you are tapping into your higher self, looking within and listening to your intuition, sometimes referred to as your gut instinct.

Many people have asked me how you can distinguish if it is your gut instinct or just impulsiveness. There is a difference, can you remember a time when you made a decision, but then you started to have doubts, questions popped up, such as ‘what if it isn’t right’?  or ‘What if it all goes wrong? you start to wonder if this is your gut telling you to ‘do it’ or is it warning you ‘not to do it’.  By now confusion reigns and you are not sure of anything, it all becomes a muddle in your head and  this can be very frustrating.

It is not always easy to tap into your higher self and to follow your heart, however  I have learned through my own struggles, that the key is in the questioning!.

Your gut instinct, your  higher self, your intuition, however your refer to it, comes from within, you know instantly, there is excitement, there is light, there is joy and there is a fire in your belly.  It only becomes confusing the minute you stop listening and start to question and doubt and let the ego take over.

Here is a very simple example…

You have purchased an item of clothing on line, it arrives, it is everything you expected, you try it on, you love it, it feels great, it looks great and you can’t wait to wear it.  There is no doubt in your mind at all, in fact you take the labels off right there and then, it is not being returned!

Now let’s assume the opposite scenario….

The package arrives, you open it, it looks slightly different to what  you expected, you try it on,  you are not sure,  you keep looking in the mirror at different angles, you are still not sure.  You then seek another’s opinion, “Hey what do you think of this?”  You get the reply “Yep great”.   You go back to the mirror, you are still not sure.  Then you go back to the person and ask  if they really like it and if it really suits you.

Now you see the difference….If you have to seek approval or advice then there is your answer!  As soon as you opened the package, you knew deep down it was not for you.  You tried talking yourself into it, but when that didn’t work, you still didn’t listen, you went looking for someone else to convince you!.

The above is a simple scenario, but use moments like this to become more aware of your higher self, practice tapping into your intuition, following your gut instinct.  This will enable you to make the right decisions for you, whether it be in relationships, jobs, buying a home or a car etc.  If you live from the heart, you will lead a satisfying, fulfilled and passionate life.

So start right now, the next time your intuition screams from within,  listen to it, notice how it feels, looks, sounds, notice where you feel it, learn to recognise it and harness it.

When I decided to become a Life Coach,  many people advised me against it, for various valid reasons, but  I didn’t listen because what anyone said didn’t matter to me, my mind was made up, I was following my heart and I have never looked back.

You hold within all the answers and all the resources you need.  Trust your intuition and you will discover the power within.

In the words of David Bowie, “When you know, you know you know!”