So often through my coaching I hear people claim that they struggle to ‘fit in’.
I also felt this way many years ago, so I understand this from experience. Having studied Coaching and NLP, I now understand this in more depth and I thought I would share it with you.
Think about what ‘fitting in’ means to you. What is it that you feel is missing? How do you know you don’t fit it? How would you know if you did fit in? What would be different? How would you feel? What would you hear? What would you see?
The truth is, there is nowhere for you to ‘fit in’. There is no key that unlocks that special place for you. You are searching for something you will never find because there is no such place.
You see ‘not fitting in’, is something that you have created in your own mind, just as I did many years ago. I didn’t believe I fitted in at school, at work, in later years when I had children, I didn’t feel I fitted in with other Mums at the schools. When the befriended me and invited me out with them, I didn’t get why they wanted to be friends with me because in my head, I just didn’t fit in.
So there lies the key, it was all in my head! No one else thought I didn’t fit in, they liked me, they included me, in fact I didn’t really have any enemies, most people generally ‘liked me’. It was simply a belief, just as it is for you.
We are all unique, special, beings, we all have different needs, qualities, desires, talents, preferences and dreams, and so on and on. So why do some of us have this misbelief that we do not ‘fit in’, where did it come from.
In NLP there is a period between the ages of one to seven which we refer to as the imprint age. This is the period in life that we just absorb everything, we are like a sponge, we take in all that we hear, feel, smell, taste and it is embedded in our unconscious mind. In later years this transmits into our behaviour and beliefs. So somewhere way back in your child hood, you learned to believe that you ‘don’t fit in’, just as I did.
I remember when I was six years old, my mother insisted I had my hair cut short. I didn’t want it cut, I hated it so much that I dreaded going to school the next day. As you can probably imagine, I was laughed at and told I looked like a boy, amongst many other comments. Even the Teacher made a joke at my expense, when calling my name from the register, I raised my hand, she said “you’re not Vicki, where is she”. The whole class was looking at me and laughing aloud and I just wanted to run, run as far away from that school as I could. But of course I couldn’t, I had to stay, and put up with the finger pointing and laughing all day and even the next day. So that was where I decided that ‘I didn’t fit in’. Of course, I had forgotten all about this until it came to the surface during practice through my NLP Training.
The good news is, if you have learned it, then you can unlearn it. For many years I told myself “I don’t fit in”, if you keep telling yourself this, then like me, you won’t fit in anywhere. So stop right now, don’t tell yourself this ever again. You are listening to everything you say about yourself so ensure you tell yourself the good stuff like, “I am unique, special, and comfortable with who I am”.
No one fits in anywhere or needs to, we are all different, some people we get along with, others we don’t, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them or us, it just is what it is.
Think back to the time when you could have learned this mis-belief, it could have been after the imprint age, maybe you were bullied or picked on by your friends, siblings, maybe you heard a striking comment from your teachers, or even your parents, that lodged itself deep within your unconscious.
The next step is unlearning that belief, to start with stop comparing yourself to others, be happy being your unique self. Stop saying to yourself and others “I don’t fit in”. Every time you are about to think or say this, stop, shake yourself off, and remind yourself that you don’t have to fit in anywhere, that you are special and unique just as everyone one else is. Your unconscious mind believes everything you tell it to be something positive, something you want, so it is very important to start being aware of your self-talk and ensure it is working for you and not against you.
Keep practicing every day, it doesn’t take long to unlearn old behaviour that is not serving you well, but it does take practice
This is just the beginning, if you want to know more about how to overcome limiting beliefs and decisions that are holding you back, then visit my website for further information. http://www.vickifrench.com.
So my lovely unique reader, make a decision with yourself right now that being you is simply awesome!
At the start of a new year its always cold, grey and dark outside but it doesn’t have to be the same inside.
If you have entered January with a doom and gloom feeling, that nothing will change, that it will be just the same as last year, that your life sucks.
Then stop right there and realise that you and only you have the power to make this year the best year you have ever had. That may sound so ridiculous, and so far out of your reach right now, but wait there is more.
Think of one single thing in your life, that if you could, you would change right now.
Now imagine how you would feel if that change was to happen right now.
You are probably thinking, ‘yea it feels great, but it’s never going to happen, its impossible’.
What if it is possible? What if I told you that thinking this way is a choice, that thinking this way is an easy option, that by choosing the easy option YOU are keeping yourself stuck.
Now see it differently, if it is you that is keeping your self stuck, then it is you that can get yourself unstuck. You have the power within to overcome anything that is holding you back. If you believe that it is impossible then it will be. If you believe you can do this then you will.
Make a decision with yourself right now, that you are going to get unstuck. Ask yourself “How can this get even better?”. As soon as you put this question out there, you are changing your energy flow, from ‘I am stuck here for ever’, to ‘I am ready for change’.
Nothing is impossible, it may be difficult, it will take time and effort, but you can do this. As soon as you take action then it all begins. Take the first step, then the second, then the third and so on. It wont happen over night, but by breaking it down into small steps, you will see fast results that will keep you motivated and moving forward, you will feel energised and in control.
Once you look within and Unlock your Inner Power you can achieve anything you desire.
If you hate your job, don’t stay. But don’t just go and get another job, decide what you would love to do and then search for it and don’t give up until you find it.
If you are unhappy in your relationship, decide why and how you can improve it. If you know for sure it is over, then end it. Its bad enough to waste your time but to waste the time of your partner is even worse. If you know deep down that its time to set you and your partner free then do it.
If you are overweight or unfit, make a decision right now to get more exercise and to eat healthily. Diets are a short term answer. You cant live on a diet for the rest of your life and generally once you come off it, the weight goes straight back on. Instead, eat healthy food, cut out all the junk and eating between meals. Start getting more exercise, walk more, use the stairs, small changes make a big difference. When you feel good about yourself, you will be motivated and energised.
You are where you are and how you are, because of you, no one or nothing else.
Once you realise the power you have within, you can change your life and be the person you were born to be.
So make a decision with yourself right now that 2016 is your year!
There is no try, you either DO or you DONT. As soon as you hear yourself stating, “I will try and do that”, this is you giving yourself lip service, you know deep down that it just isn’t gonna happen.
Read these three statements:
- I am going to try and finish my course before the end of the year.
- I will finish my course before the end of the year.
- I will not finish my course before the end of the year.
You see the difference, in number 2 and 3 there is a commitment, a decision. In number 1 there is blah!
By stating you are trying, you are admitting that you are not actually doing anything towards reaching this goal but you know full well that you should be.
For one day, remove the word ‘try’ from your vocabulary and see the difference, feel how better your day becomes.
When your boss says, I need you here dead on 8.30am, don’t say “Ok I’ll try, but traffic may cause delays”. Instead say “I will be here dead on time”.
When someone says are you coming to the pub this evening. Don’t say “I’ll try” say instead “Of course I am” or “No sorry I cant make it”.
When someone asks “are you going to book that exam”? Don’t say I will try and do it as soon as possible. Say “I will do so right now”. Or “I have decided not to do it”.
When there is no try, you are in control, you are making decisions, you are making commitments. When you are in control, you are on track, motivated and moving forward.
Don’t let this small three lettered word, keep you stuck, and prevent you from achieving and moving on in life.
Remember you are listening to everything you say, ensure you tell yourself the truth.
…The problem is what is causing the Depression. Depression is a label that is attached to people who are struggling to find anything good about their life. The word Depression is generic, and the drugs prescribed for it are not treating the root cause, they are masking it.
There is a reason for your depression, you didn’t just wake up one day depressed. You were not born depressed. You maybe struggling in some areas, or you may have past hurt and pain, or you may be lonely, there could be a number of reasons you are feeling like you are, the key is in discovering the root cause of your problem. Sometimes it may have been going on for so long, that you can’t even remember a time where you felt good.
This is where Coaching can assist by allowing you to dig deep within, to discover the root cause. Once you discover the cause you can then start to undo and release all that is keeping you stuck. It will take time and effort, but it won’t take months.
NLP techniques work fast, on fears, phobias, anxiety, limiting beliefs and decisions. You will start to climb out of that black hole step by step, you will move forward and start to discover your true self once again. Once you realise and harness the power you hold within, you will then be able to take back control, because that is all that has happened….you have lost control of you.
Through coaching I have helped clients overcome depression, they have taken back control and have the tools with them to prevent them from ever sliding backwards. If you are in this place then here are three key steps that will get you started on taking back control.
- Become aware of your thoughts. Thoughts come before the emotion, therefore however you feel is due to your thoughts. A thought is just that, a thought and nothing more. But when you allow self destructive thoughts to take control then this is self-sabotage. So start to become aware of your thoughts, realise that you can let bad thoughts in or you can let them go, it is your choice. You alone have this power within, and once you make this power work for you, instead of against you. then you are taking back control. So start practising right now. When you wake up tomorrow morning, become aware of your first thought. If it is working against you, replace it with a thought that will work for you. Practice this through out the day. As soon as your mood drops, consider the thought that promoted that drop in mood and then decide how you can change that thought or if you should just simply let it go.
- Look deep within, dig down deep and start to write up a list of all that is wrong in your life. Take time over this, keep the list around and add to it daily. It may be difficult at first, but you know the answers, you can do this. Once you have the list drawn up you can then prioritise them in order of importance. Then take the number 1 issue and decide what needs to change to improve your life right now. Can you alone make this change? Do you need to ask for help from family or friends?. There is always an answer be open to finding it. Take small steps, don’t look at the big picture, taking it step by step will allow you to slowly start taking back control. Sometimes just little changes can make a big difference. This takes effort and time but if you want to get out of that whole then make the time and effort and see how good it feels.
- You may uncover past memories that are keeping you stuck. Now is the time to realise that they are just memories and that you and only you can put them to rest. No matter how bad they are, they are now just memories and they are only alive in your head. Holding on to them is doing you no good, blaming others for anything, is doing you no good. Make a decision with yourself that it is all in the past, you cant change it so you are going to finally let them go once and for all.
Now that you are ready to let go of the past memories complete this Releasing Exercise to ensure that they are gone for ever.
Sit quietly and close your eyes, gather the unwanted memories, feel and see where they are inside of you, they could be in your head, or your chest or your stomach, give them a colour and a shape. Now when you are ready, take a huge deep breathe in and then blow out with full force, blowing those memories away, take another deep breath in and do the same and see those memories going up through the hemisphere and into space and dispersing into tiny dust particles. Now breathe gently, taking in the colour blue, relax, feel good that you have let go of all that negativity. As human beings we have so much power within, master that power and make it work for you, not against you.
Remember no one can make you feel anything unless you allow it!
If you would like to learn more, contact me below.
The mind has more power than you realise! Consider that your own thoughts are the result of how you feel right now. How you feel right now is not due to that external event/happening, it is due to your thoughts about that external event/happening.
Lets assume you have just received notice that your bank balance is overdrawn. Ok this is not good news but how you react to it will determine your mood. Now you can choose to be angry, hurt, fearful or sad, or all four but this wont change anything. Or you could choose to sit down and work out the best way to get through this. The first option makes you the victim, the second option puts you in control.
By deciding to accept what has happened, to then put a plan of action in place, will allow you to keep positive and focused on moving forward. So instead of reacting negatively, you are responding positively!
Think what expenses you can cut back on until payday. Maybe you could borrow some cash from family or a friend to balance your bank until payday. Consider your outgoing expenditure against your incoming and put a plan in place to not let this happen again.
No matter how bad a situation is, there is always a way out. The important thing is, not to let your mind run wild with thoughts such as “why is this happening to me?” This type of thinking makes you the victim.
Thoughts come before an emotion, so how you feel is down to your thoughts. You will have millions of thoughts per day, some will be necessary and practical, however some will result in taking you to a state of mind that can sabotage your life.
So the next time someone does or says something to upset, annoy or anger you, answer these three questions before you do anything.
1. Is this important?
2. Will this bother me next week?
3. Do I really care?
If you answer ‘no’ to all the above, then simply let it go. Taking it on board will achieve nothing, other than you being in a bad state of mind. Reacting will enable that person to see that they have power over you. You can’t control what anyone says or does, but you can control your mind and how you deal with everyday issues.
Instead of reacting, respond. So instead of shouting and arguing, dismiss it with grace. Instead of taking it on board, let it go.
Your mind is a powerful tool, use it to your advantage.
If you would like to learn more about the Power Within then book your free 30 minute telephone break through session on how to Harness the Power Within.
Simply reply placing Free Breakthrough call on the Power Within in the comment box below.
Did you know that 2015 is a great time to make changes, do the things you have been putting off, reach that dream that is still just a dream, getting out of the job you hate, changing your location, quit smoking, re train, get fit, get slim, get rich etc. So why is it that usually even before the end of January, those plans, goals, ideas and dreams are fading fast? Because they are usually New Years Resolutions and they are known to fade fast. So forget the resolutions and instead make plans. Firstly you must change the ‘want’. Ask yourself, do you just want it? So often I hear people say “I want to start my own business” my question to them is “do you ‘want’ to start your own business or are you going to ‘have’ your own business? See the difference here. Wanting something, means you haven’t got it, when you reach out to the…
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