Since the Covid Breakout our lives have changed in such a short time,
we are seeing a world that we have never seen before.
We are also learning along the way.
We are learning how to adapt and cope on a daily basis, we are learning the importance of hygiene across the world, how to be appreciative of others and how to help and be there for those most vulnerable.
Some of you may be looking after family. Many of you will be getting used to working from home and being isolated, some of you may have no work
and struggling to manage.
This is a very tough time for all, but the one positive that will come from
this is that we will learn!
We have lived for far too long in a superficial world of Greed, Wars, Materialism, Selfishness and Violence and have also caused so much damage to our beautiful Planet.
The most positive learning that we will gain during this time is that we will learn about ourselves more deeply than ever before.
So don’t give up, we will get through this and we will come out the other side with a much deeper awareness of what is important in this life.
And that is to show love, to show gratitude, to be kind, to be there for each other,
and to look after our beautiful planet.
Where ever you are right now remember that
Today is the First day of the rest of your Life.
Focus on what you can achieve during this period of lockdown, what projects could you
work on? There is always something to do, and being productive will
keep you in a good mindset even at the worse times.
More than ever before you now realise that every day is a new beginning and one day not too far away, we will all look back and realise just how much of this life
we have taken for granted and just how much more we have to offer
to ensure our world and our planet survive.
Keep safe, keep positive !
Can you remember a time when someone’s words or actions ruined your day or even your week? We have all had those moments when we got frustrated or angered by what someone said or did or annoyed because we didn’t get our anticipated response or were let down. Feeling offended will cause you to react in such a way that will make matters even worse.
The truth is whatever anyone says or does is out of your control, do you really want to waste your valuable time and energy on what is out of your control? Instead of blaming the way you feel on others’ imagine being impervious to other people’s disdainful words or actions. It is possible, and it doesn’t mean that you will be submissive or avoiding confrontation; it means that you retain your power and remain in control.
The first step is to not react. The next time you find yourself annoyed or angry, stop and take a moment. Assess why you feel this way, if it is yourself you are annoyed with then decide what action you need to take to improve the situation. This puts you back in control. If it is something that is out of your control then you have the choice to either ‘let it in’ or to ‘let it go’. If you react you have let it in and it is now your problem, however if you respond and let it go, you retain your power, your state of mind is calm you are back in control. You will find this very empowering.
The second step is to disassociate. Be the observer; see the event for what it is. This will give you clarity and will prevent your thoughts from running wild. It is important here to be aware that your thoughts on the situation are simply your interpretation; they are simply your own story, your point of view. Your internal representations will be biased and will influence your feelings and behavior. Just by taking the time to view the situation and your own thoughts on the situation, will allow the intensity of your feelings to lessen and for you to be more detached.
The third step is acceptance. Accept that what anyone says or does is out of your control; accept that you have the choice to remain in control. Accept that there is nothing to gain by letting it in other than a negative state of mind. Seeing the bigger picture and being the bigger person will allow you to accept it for what it is and not to succumb to it.
The final step is letting go. Now you are in a calm state of acceptance, you can simply make a conscious decision to ‘let it go’. Take three deep breathes and let it go. Now you are back in control, that person or thing no longer has power over you. You will feel calm and in control, notice how good it is to hold on to your power.
Remember the only thing you have total control over in this life is YOU, by holding on to hurt, pain or anger caused by something out of your control means you are giving away your power. Whatever it was is now in the past, don’t keep it alive in your head.
Start to practice this in your everyday life then when something big comes along you will be well versed in how to handle it.
So often through my coaching I hear people claim that they struggle to ‘fit in’.
I also felt this way many years ago, so I understand this from experience. Having studied Coaching and NLP, I now understand this in more depth and I thought I would share it with you.
Think about what ‘fitting in’ means to you. What is it that you feel is missing? How do you know you don’t fit it? How would you know if you did fit in? What would be different? How would you feel? What would you hear? What would you see?
The truth is, there is nowhere for you to ‘fit in’. There is no key that unlocks that special place for you. You are searching for something you will never find because there is no such place.
You see ‘not fitting in’, is something that you have created in your own mind, just as I did many years ago. I didn’t believe I fitted in at school, at work, in later years when I had children, I didn’t feel I fitted in with other Mums at the schools. When the befriended me and invited me out with them, I didn’t get why they wanted to be friends with me because in my head, I just didn’t fit in.
So there lies the key, it was all in my head! No one else thought I didn’t fit in, they liked me, they included me, in fact I didn’t really have any enemies, most people generally ‘liked me’. It was simply a belief, just as it is for you.
We are all unique, special, beings, we all have different needs, qualities, desires, talents, preferences and dreams, and so on and on. So why do some of us have this misbelief that we do not ‘fit in’, where did it come from.
In NLP there is a period between the ages of one to seven which we refer to as the imprint age. This is the period in life that we just absorb everything, we are like a sponge, we take in all that we hear, feel, smell, taste and it is embedded in our unconscious mind. In later years this transmits into our behaviour and beliefs. So somewhere way back in your child hood, you learned to believe that you ‘don’t fit in’, just as I did.
I remember when I was six years old, my mother insisted I had my hair cut short. I didn’t want it cut, I hated it so much that I dreaded going to school the next day. As you can probably imagine, I was laughed at and told I looked like a boy, amongst many other comments. Even the Teacher made a joke at my expense, when calling my name from the register, I raised my hand, she said “you’re not Vicki, where is she”. The whole class was looking at me and laughing aloud and I just wanted to run, run as far away from that school as I could. But of course I couldn’t, I had to stay, and put up with the finger pointing and laughing all day and even the next day. So that was where I decided that ‘I didn’t fit in’. Of course, I had forgotten all about this until it came to the surface during practice through my NLP Training.
The good news is, if you have learned it, then you can unlearn it. For many years I told myself “I don’t fit in”, if you keep telling yourself this, then like me, you won’t fit in anywhere. So stop right now, don’t tell yourself this ever again. You are listening to everything you say about yourself so ensure you tell yourself the good stuff like, “I am unique, special, and comfortable with who I am”.
No one fits in anywhere or needs to, we are all different, some people we get along with, others we don’t, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them or us, it just is what it is.
Think back to the time when you could have learned this mis-belief, it could have been after the imprint age, maybe you were bullied or picked on by your friends, siblings, maybe you heard a striking comment from your teachers, or even your parents, that lodged itself deep within your unconscious.
The next step is unlearning that belief, to start with stop comparing yourself to others, be happy being your unique self. Stop saying to yourself and others “I don’t fit in”. Every time you are about to think or say this, stop, shake yourself off, and remind yourself that you don’t have to fit in anywhere, that you are special and unique just as everyone one else is. Your unconscious mind believes everything you tell it to be something positive, something you want, so it is very important to start being aware of your self-talk and ensure it is working for you and not against you.
Keep practicing every day, it doesn’t take long to unlearn old behaviour that is not serving you well, but it does take practice
This is just the beginning, if you want to know more about how to overcome limiting beliefs and decisions that are holding you back, then visit my website for further information. http://www.vickifrench.com.
So my lovely unique reader, make a decision with yourself right now that being you is simply awesome!
At the start of a new year its always cold, grey and dark outside but it doesn’t have to be the same inside.
If you have entered January with a doom and gloom feeling, that nothing will change, that it will be just the same as last year, that your life sucks.
Then stop right there and realise that you and only you have the power to make this year the best year you have ever had. That may sound so ridiculous, and so far out of your reach right now, but wait there is more.
Think of one single thing in your life, that if you could, you would change right now.
Now imagine how you would feel if that change was to happen right now.
You are probably thinking, ‘yea it feels great, but it’s never going to happen, its impossible’.
What if it is possible? What if I told you that thinking this way is a choice, that thinking this way is an easy option, that by choosing the easy option YOU are keeping yourself stuck.
Now see it differently, if it is you that is keeping your self stuck, then it is you that can get yourself unstuck. You have the power within to overcome anything that is holding you back. If you believe that it is impossible then it will be. If you believe you can do this then you will.
Make a decision with yourself right now, that you are going to get unstuck. Ask yourself “How can this get even better?”. As soon as you put this question out there, you are changing your energy flow, from ‘I am stuck here for ever’, to ‘I am ready for change’.
Nothing is impossible, it may be difficult, it will take time and effort, but you can do this. As soon as you take action then it all begins. Take the first step, then the second, then the third and so on. It wont happen over night, but by breaking it down into small steps, you will see fast results that will keep you motivated and moving forward, you will feel energised and in control.
Once you look within and Unlock your Inner Power you can achieve anything you desire.
If you hate your job, don’t stay. But don’t just go and get another job, decide what you would love to do and then search for it and don’t give up until you find it.
If you are unhappy in your relationship, decide why and how you can improve it. If you know for sure it is over, then end it. Its bad enough to waste your time but to waste the time of your partner is even worse. If you know deep down that its time to set you and your partner free then do it.
If you are overweight or unfit, make a decision right now to get more exercise and to eat healthily. Diets are a short term answer. You cant live on a diet for the rest of your life and generally once you come off it, the weight goes straight back on. Instead, eat healthy food, cut out all the junk and eating between meals. Start getting more exercise, walk more, use the stairs, small changes make a big difference. When you feel good about yourself, you will be motivated and energised.
You are where you are and how you are, because of you, no one or nothing else.
Once you realise the power you have within, you can change your life and be the person you were born to be.
So make a decision with yourself right now that 2016 is your year!
There is no try, you either DO or you DONT. As soon as you hear yourself stating, “I will try and do that”, this is you giving yourself lip service, you know deep down that it just isn’t gonna happen.
Read these three statements:
- I am going to try and finish my course before the end of the year.
- I will finish my course before the end of the year.
- I will not finish my course before the end of the year.
You see the difference, in number 2 and 3 there is a commitment, a decision. In number 1 there is blah!
By stating you are trying, you are admitting that you are not actually doing anything towards reaching this goal but you know full well that you should be.
For one day, remove the word ‘try’ from your vocabulary and see the difference, feel how better your day becomes.
When your boss says, I need you here dead on 8.30am, don’t say “Ok I’ll try, but traffic may cause delays”. Instead say “I will be here dead on time”.
When someone says are you coming to the pub this evening. Don’t say “I’ll try” say instead “Of course I am” or “No sorry I cant make it”.
When someone asks “are you going to book that exam”? Don’t say I will try and do it as soon as possible. Say “I will do so right now”. Or “I have decided not to do it”.
When there is no try, you are in control, you are making decisions, you are making commitments. When you are in control, you are on track, motivated and moving forward.
Don’t let this small three lettered word, keep you stuck, and prevent you from achieving and moving on in life.
Remember you are listening to everything you say, ensure you tell yourself the truth.
…The problem is what is causing the Depression. Depression is a label that is attached to people who are struggling to find anything good about their life. The word Depression is generic, and the drugs prescribed for it are not treating the root cause, they are masking it.
There is a reason for your depression, you didn’t just wake up one day depressed. You were not born depressed. You maybe struggling in some areas, or you may have past hurt and pain, or you may be lonely, there could be a number of reasons you are feeling like you are, the key is in discovering the root cause of your problem. Sometimes it may have been going on for so long, that you can’t even remember a time where you felt good.
This is where Coaching can assist by allowing you to dig deep within, to discover the root cause. Once you discover the cause you can then start to undo and release all that is keeping you stuck. It will take time and effort, but it won’t take months.
NLP techniques work fast, on fears, phobias, anxiety, limiting beliefs and decisions. You will start to climb out of that black hole step by step, you will move forward and start to discover your true self once again. Once you realise and harness the power you hold within, you will then be able to take back control, because that is all that has happened….you have lost control of you.
Through coaching I have helped clients overcome depression, they have taken back control and have the tools with them to prevent them from ever sliding backwards. If you are in this place then here are three key steps that will get you started on taking back control.
- Become aware of your thoughts. Thoughts come before the emotion, therefore however you feel is due to your thoughts. A thought is just that, a thought and nothing more. But when you allow self destructive thoughts to take control then this is self-sabotage. So start to become aware of your thoughts, realise that you can let bad thoughts in or you can let them go, it is your choice. You alone have this power within, and once you make this power work for you, instead of against you. then you are taking back control. So start practising right now. When you wake up tomorrow morning, become aware of your first thought. If it is working against you, replace it with a thought that will work for you. Practice this through out the day. As soon as your mood drops, consider the thought that promoted that drop in mood and then decide how you can change that thought or if you should just simply let it go.
- Look deep within, dig down deep and start to write up a list of all that is wrong in your life. Take time over this, keep the list around and add to it daily. It may be difficult at first, but you know the answers, you can do this. Once you have the list drawn up you can then prioritise them in order of importance. Then take the number 1 issue and decide what needs to change to improve your life right now. Can you alone make this change? Do you need to ask for help from family or friends?. There is always an answer be open to finding it. Take small steps, don’t look at the big picture, taking it step by step will allow you to slowly start taking back control. Sometimes just little changes can make a big difference. This takes effort and time but if you want to get out of that whole then make the time and effort and see how good it feels.
- You may uncover past memories that are keeping you stuck. Now is the time to realise that they are just memories and that you and only you can put them to rest. No matter how bad they are, they are now just memories and they are only alive in your head. Holding on to them is doing you no good, blaming others for anything, is doing you no good. Make a decision with yourself that it is all in the past, you cant change it so you are going to finally let them go once and for all.
Now that you are ready to let go of the past memories complete this Releasing Exercise to ensure that they are gone for ever.
Sit quietly and close your eyes, gather the unwanted memories, feel and see where they are inside of you, they could be in your head, or your chest or your stomach, give them a colour and a shape. Now when you are ready, take a huge deep breathe in and then blow out with full force, blowing those memories away, take another deep breath in and do the same and see those memories going up through the hemisphere and into space and dispersing into tiny dust particles. Now breathe gently, taking in the colour blue, relax, feel good that you have let go of all that negativity. As human beings we have so much power within, master that power and make it work for you, not against you.
Remember no one can make you feel anything unless you allow it!
If you would like to learn more, contact me below.
The mind has more power than you realise! Consider that your own thoughts are the result of how you feel right now. How you feel right now is not due to that external event/happening, it is due to your thoughts about that external event/happening.
Lets assume you have just received notice that your bank balance is overdrawn. Ok this is not good news but how you react to it will determine your mood. Now you can choose to be angry, hurt, fearful or sad, or all four but this wont change anything. Or you could choose to sit down and work out the best way to get through this. The first option makes you the victim, the second option puts you in control.
By deciding to accept what has happened, to then put a plan of action in place, will allow you to keep positive and focused on moving forward. So instead of reacting negatively, you are responding positively!
Think what expenses you can cut back on until payday. Maybe you could borrow some cash from family or a friend to balance your bank until payday. Consider your outgoing expenditure against your incoming and put a plan in place to not let this happen again.
No matter how bad a situation is, there is always a way out. The important thing is, not to let your mind run wild with thoughts such as “why is this happening to me?” This type of thinking makes you the victim.
Thoughts come before an emotion, so how you feel is down to your thoughts. You will have millions of thoughts per day, some will be necessary and practical, however some will result in taking you to a state of mind that can sabotage your life.
So the next time someone does or says something to upset, annoy or anger you, answer these three questions before you do anything.
1. Is this important?
2. Will this bother me next week?
3. Do I really care?
If you answer ‘no’ to all the above, then simply let it go. Taking it on board will achieve nothing, other than you being in a bad state of mind. Reacting will enable that person to see that they have power over you. You can’t control what anyone says or does, but you can control your mind and how you deal with everyday issues.
Instead of reacting, respond. So instead of shouting and arguing, dismiss it with grace. Instead of taking it on board, let it go.
Your mind is a powerful tool, use it to your advantage.
If you would like to learn more about the Power Within then book your free 30 minute telephone break through session on how to Harness the Power Within.
Simply reply placing Free Breakthrough call on the Power Within in the comment box below.
Did you know that 2015 is a great time to make changes, do the things you have been putting off, reach that dream that is still just a dream, getting out of the job you hate, changing your location, quit smoking, re train, get fit, get slim, get rich etc. So why is it that usually even before the end of January, those plans, goals, ideas and dreams are fading fast? Because they are usually New Years Resolutions and they are known to fade fast. So forget the resolutions and instead make plans. Firstly you must change the ‘want’. Ask yourself, do you just want it? So often I hear people say “I want to start my own business” my question to them is “do you ‘want’ to start your own business or are you going to ‘have’ your own business? See the difference here. Wanting something, means you haven’t got it, when you reach out to the…
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I was a smoker for over 25 years and smoked around 20 a day, probably more when socialising. I tied to quit several times because I knew it was bad for my health and each time I only lasted between three weeks to three months. I also found I put on weight, which for me, was a good excuse to start again.
Having now stopped smoking for over three years ago I still can’t believe how easy it was! The only thing that was different this time was my mind-set. This time I stopped purely because I wanted to, not because I thought I should, or because it was the right thing to do, or to please anyone else. This time I stopped for me, because I truly wanted it. I didn’t have to prepare myself or psyche myself up for it or pick a date. I decided to stop one morning in the garden whilst smoking my first cigarette of the day. I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the patio window and saw the smoke coming from my mouth, I decided there and then that this would be my last cigarette, I took the last puff and said out loud “I will never smoke again”. I knew from that minute that I was now a non smoker. When my partner came home that evening, I told him, he laughed and asked “since when”? I replied “I stopped this morning”.
There were times when I thought of a cigarette but I knew that this was just the nicotine in my bloodstream getting low and wanting a top up. I also knew that soon the nicotine would be gone. At stressful times when I would normally have a cigarette, I wondered how I ever came to believe that having a cigarette could help or change any situation. I actually felt calmer for not smoking and this time I did not put on any weight. There are smokers who are overweight so smoking is clearly not a slimming aid. I realise now that the only reason I put on weight previously was because I felt deprived and therefore needed a substitute, which for me was food! When you stop with the right mind-set there is no need for a substitute because you do not feel deprived in any way. You have made a choice for you and you are in total control.
Some people say they don’t want to quit because they ‘enjoy it’. What is there to enjoy? There is nothing enjoyable about breathing smoke into your lungs. You don’t smoke because you enjoy it; you smoke because you are addicted. Smoking will increase as time goes by because even more nicotine is required to maintain the level of satisfaction.
Many people use patches and other aids to help kick the habit, and if this works for you then great, however personally I don’t see the point, because although they say nicotine is just as addictive as Heroin the actual withdrawal symptoms are zilch in comparison.
If you truly have a desire to stop you won’t need any help at all. All you need is to make the choice. You can achieve and conquer anything once you have the true desire to do so.
We are conditioned to believe that quitting is hard, that there are numerous withdrawal symptoms, that it will be so difficult you will need counseling or need nicotine patches to help you! This is simply brain washing! If this was true then you would need a patch on your arm every night to get you through the eight hours or so of sleep to the next morning!
Having now discovered NLP I realise I put myself in a new state of mind, the state of mind of a non smoker! In the time it had taken me to smoke a cigarette I had changed my association with smoking
Smokers associate smoking with pleasure and quitting with pain. When I saw myself in the window, I immediately associated smoking with disgust. I didn’t have to quit I just stopped.
Contact me if you would like more info.