Do you feel you just dont ‘fit in?

So often through my coaching I hear people claim that they struggle to ‘fit in’.

I also felt this way many years ago, so I understand this from experience.  Having studied Coaching and NLP, I now understand this in more depth and I thought I would share it with you.

Think about what ‘fitting in’ means to you.  What is it that you feel is missing? How do you know you don’t fit it? How would you know if you did fit in? What would be different? How would you feel?  What would you hear? What would you see?

The truth is, there is nowhere for you to ‘fit in’.  There is no key that unlocks that special place for you.  You are searching for something you will never find because there is no such place.

You see ‘not fitting in’, is something that you have created in your own mind, just as I did many years ago.  I didn’t believe I fitted in at school, at work, in later years when I had children, I didn’t feel I fitted in with other Mums at the schools.   When the befriended me and invited me out with them, I didn’t get why they wanted to be friends with me because in my head, I just didn’t fit in.

So there lies the key, it was all in my head!  No one else thought I didn’t fit in, they liked me, they included me, in fact I didn’t really have any enemies, most people generally ‘liked me’.  It was simply a belief, just as it is for you.

We are all unique, special, beings, we all have different needs, qualities, desires, talents, preferences and dreams, and so on and on.  So why do some of us have this misbelief that we do not ‘fit in’, where did it come from.

In NLP there is a period between the ages of one to seven which we refer to as the imprint age.  This is the period in life that we just absorb everything, we are like a sponge, we take in all that we hear, feel, smell, taste and it is embedded in our unconscious mind.  In later years this transmits into our behaviour  and beliefs. So somewhere way back in your child hood, you learned to believe that you ‘don’t fit in’, just as I did.

I remember when I was six years old, my mother insisted I had my hair cut short.  I didn’t want it cut, I hated it so much that I dreaded going to school the next day.  As you can probably imagine, I was laughed at and told I looked like a boy, amongst many other comments.  Even the Teacher made a joke at my expense, when calling my name from the register, I raised my hand, she said “you’re not Vicki, where is she”.  The whole class was looking at me and laughing aloud and I just wanted to run, run as far away from that school as I could.  But of course I couldn’t, I had to stay, and put up with the finger pointing and laughing all day and even the next day.  So that was where I decided that ‘I didn’t fit in’.  Of course, I had forgotten all about this until it came to the surface during practice through my NLP Training.

The good news is, if you have learned it, then you can unlearn it.  For many years I told myself “I don’t fit in”, if you keep telling yourself this, then like me, you won’t fit in anywhere.  So stop right now, don’t tell yourself this ever again.  You are listening to everything you say about yourself so ensure you tell yourself the good stuff like, “I am unique, special, and comfortable with who I am”.

No one fits in anywhere or needs to, we are all different, some people we get along with, others we don’t, it doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them or us, it just is what it is.

Think back to the time when you could have learned this mis-belief, it could have been after the imprint age, maybe you were bullied or picked on by your friends, siblings, maybe you heard a striking comment from your teachers, or even your parents, that lodged itself deep within your unconscious.

The next step is unlearning that belief, to start with stop comparing yourself to others, be happy being your unique self.  Stop saying to yourself and others “I don’t fit in”.  Every time you are about to think or say this, stop, shake yourself off, and  remind yourself that you don’t have to fit in anywhere, that you are special and unique just as everyone one else is.  Your unconscious mind believes everything you tell it to be something positive, something you want, so it is very important to start being aware of your self-talk and ensure it is working for you and not against you.

Keep practicing every day, it doesn’t take long to unlearn old behaviour that is not serving you well, but it does take practice

This is just the beginning, if you want to know more about how to overcome limiting beliefs and decisions that are holding you back, then visit my website for further information. http://www.vickifrench.com.

So my lovely unique reader, make a decision with yourself right now that being you is simply awesome!

Warmest wishes.

Vicki

 

 

 

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New Year New You…

At the start of a new year its always cold, grey and dark outside but it doesn’t have to be the same inside.

If you have entered January with a doom and gloom feeling, that nothing will change, that it will be just the same as last year, that your life sucks.

Then stop right there and realise that you and only you have the power to make this year the best year you have ever had.  That may sound so ridiculous, and so far out of your reach right now, but wait there is more.

Think of one single thing in your life, that if you could, you would change right now.

Now imagine how you would feel if that change was to happen right now.

You are probably thinking, ‘yea it feels great, but it’s never going to happen, its impossible’.

What if it is possible?  What if I told you that thinking this way is a choice, that thinking this way is an easy option, that by choosing the easy option YOU are keeping yourself stuck.

Now see it differently, if it is you that is keeping your self stuck, then it is you that can get yourself unstuck. You have the power within to overcome anything that is holding you back.   If you believe that it is impossible then it will be.  If you believe you can do this then you will.

Make a decision with yourself right now, that you are going to get unstuck.  Ask yourself “How can this get even better?”.  As soon as you put this question out there, you are changing your energy flow, from ‘I am stuck here for ever’, to ‘I am ready for change’.

Nothing is impossible, it may be difficult, it will take time and effort, but you can do this.  As soon as you take action then it all begins.  Take the first step, then the second, then the third and so on.  It wont happen over night, but by breaking it down into small steps, you will see fast results that will keep you motivated and moving forward, you will feel energised and in control.

Once you look within and Unlock your Inner Power you can achieve anything you desire.

If you hate your job, don’t stay. But don’t just go and get another job, decide what you would love to do and then search for it and don’t give up until you find it.

If you are unhappy in your relationship, decide why and how you can improve it.  If you know for sure it is over, then end it.  Its bad enough to waste your time but to waste the time of your partner is even worse.  If you know deep down that its time to set you and your partner free then do it.

If you are overweight or unfit, make a decision right now to get more exercise and to eat healthily.  Diets are a short term answer.  You cant live on a diet for the rest of your life and generally once you come off it, the weight goes straight back on.  Instead, eat healthy food, cut out all the junk and eating between meals.  Start getting more exercise, walk more, use the stairs, small changes make a big difference. When you feel good about yourself, you will be motivated and energised.

You are where you are and how you are, because of you, no one or nothing else.

Once you realise the power you have within, you can change your life and be the person you were born to be.

So make a decision with yourself right now that 2016 is your year!

 

 

Follow your heart…

When you know something is right, you know from within, you don’t have to seek advice or approval from others.  It feels right, it looks right and it sounds right, you simply feel so passionate about this decision that nothing could change your mind. You may choose to share your decision with others, simply to get their take on it, but any opposition will go right out the window.

What is happening here is that you are following your heart, you are tapping into your higher self, looking within and listening to your intuition, sometimes referred to as your gut instinct.

Many people have asked me how you can distinguish if it is your gut instinct or just impulsiveness. There is a difference, can you remember a time when you made a decision, but then you started to have doubts, questions popped up, such as ‘what if it isn’t right’?  or ‘What if it all goes wrong? you start to wonder if this is your gut telling you to ‘do it’ or is it warning you ‘not to do it’.  By now confusion reigns and you are not sure of anything, it all becomes a muddle in your head and  this can be very frustrating.

It is not always easy to tap into your higher self and to follow your heart, however  I have learned through my own struggles, that the key is in the questioning!.

Your gut instinct, your  higher self, your intuition, however your refer to it, comes from within, you know instantly, there is excitement, there is light, there is joy and there is a fire in your belly.  It only becomes confusing the minute you stop listening and start to question and doubt and let the ego take over.

Here is a very simple example…

You have purchased an item of clothing on line, it arrives, it is everything you expected, you try it on, you love it, it feels great, it looks great and you can’t wait to wear it.  There is no doubt in your mind at all, in fact you take the labels off right there and then, it is not being returned!

Now let’s assume the opposite scenario….

The package arrives, you open it, it looks slightly different to what  you expected, you try it on,  you are not sure,  you keep looking in the mirror at different angles, you are still not sure.  You then seek another’s opinion, “Hey what do you think of this?”  You get the reply “Yep great”.   You go back to the mirror, you are still not sure.  Then you go back to the person and ask  if they really like it and if it really suits you.

Now you see the difference….If you have to seek approval or advice then there is your answer!  As soon as you opened the package, you knew deep down it was not for you.  You tried talking yourself into it, but when that didn’t work, you still didn’t listen, you went looking for someone else to convince you!.

The above is a simple scenario, but use moments like this to become more aware of your higher self, practice tapping into your intuition, following your gut instinct.  This will enable you to make the right decisions for you, whether it be in relationships, jobs, buying a home or a car etc.  If you live from the heart, you will lead a satisfying, fulfilled and passionate life.

So start right now, the next time your intuition screams from within,  listen to it, notice how it feels, looks, sounds, notice where you feel it, learn to recognise it and harness it.

When I decided to become a Life Coach,  many people advised me against it, for various valid reasons, but  I didn’t listen because what anyone said didn’t matter to me, my mind was made up, I was following my heart and I have never looked back.

You hold within all the answers and all the resources you need.  Trust your intuition and you will discover the power within.

In the words of David Bowie, “When you know, you know you know!”

FREE BREAKTHROUGH SESSION !!

If you feel that something is not quite right, or you don’t feel truly content with your life, then now is the time to take action and get back in control.  You may feel ‘stuck’ or even ‘lost’.   The longer this goes on the more of a struggle it becomes to see clearly, this can then impact on all areas of your life.

If the above sounds familiar then Coaching will work for you.  Coaching will enable you to look deeper, to discover exactly where the problem lies and how to put the appropriate changes in place.  It maybe that you know exactly what is wrong but you are choosing to avoid it for fear of the unknown.

Whether the problem lies within your relationship, your job or life in general, Coaching will bring you clarity and definition on exactly what needs to change to get you to where you want to be and  how to get there!

If you would like to take advantage of my free 30 minute telephone breakthrough session then send a reply stating ‘Free Breakthrough Session’ in the subject box below.

Live the life you love!

 

2015 Is Your Year !

Did you know that 2015 is a great time to make changes, do the things you have been putting off,  reach that dream that is still just a dream, getting out of the job you hate, changing your location, quit smoking, re train, get fit, get slim, get rich etc.  So why is it that usually even before the end of January, those plans, goals, ideas and dreams are fading fast? Because they are  usually New Years Resolutions and they are known to fade fast. So forget the resolutions and instead make plans.

Firstly you must change the ‘want’.  Ask yourself, do you just want it?  So often I hear people say “I want to start my own business” my question to them is “do you ‘want’ to start your own business or are you going to ‘have’ your own business?   See the difference here.  Wanting something, means you haven’t got it, when you reach out to the Universe you must be present and in the now and you must talk as if  you already have it.  So instead of, ” I want to be slim, I want to quit smoking, I want to be successful”, change that to “I will be slim, I will quit smoking, I will be successful, I will have my own business”.  Once you say this, you will see how the energy changes and how different and excited you feel. You can achieve what ever you desire, by having the right mind-set, and belief.  When you ‘want’ you are pretty much agreeing that you will never ‘have’.  

Don’t rely on anyone, don’t wait for anything, take action and make it happen, see your dream befall reality. You know what you want, so now visualise the out-come, and then set your short-term  goals, once you break it down into small steps, you will quickly see results and this will motivate you even more. Whilst going through this new transition always focus on ‘now’, do something every day towards your goal. Become aware of your inner state as you reach each milestone, how if feels, what is sounds like, what it looks like, learn new behaviours and thought patterns to accommodate your change of habit and this will ensure that the new way becomes the only way! You have within you, the power and all of the resources required to be the person you truly want to be! Happy 2015 !!

Are Your Thoughts Driving You Mad?

Thoughts and Thinking!

Your mind is forever on the go, you may be chatting, driving, busy working or playing, and whatever you are doing you will always be thinking. Even when in sleep, your mind is busy dreaming.  You can be in conversation with someone and your mind is racing away on other subjects, when you are listening to someone, you are mostly preparing your reply, even during meditation you have to keep pulling on the reins of your thoughts to ensure you quieten your mind.

If you consider that your thoughts pretty much run your life, then you come to realise the importance of your thoughts and thinking.

We all have different moods at different times, but where does a mood begin? You may think that if someone upsets you and you fall into a bad mood, that the perpetrator of the bad mood is that other person. Or if you are short of money then that is the reason for your bad mood, or if you are having relationship problems then that is the cause of the bad mood.

The truth is that it is the thoughts surrounding all of the above issues that are the cause of the mood, not the actual issue itself.   So your thoughts create your mood.  Powerful stuff!  

You see, if someone does or says something that you don’t like, there is nothing you can do about it.  You cannot undo it, what anyone else does or says is outside of your control.  However, you are in control of you and your thoughts, and you can change your thinking.  So the next time someone does or says something that you don’t like, ask yourself “Am I going to let this bother me or am I simply going to let this go”? You can either accept it and move on or fight it and let it take over, in which case you have lost your power.

This is the choice you have and only you can make.   If you choose not to ‘let it go’ then what happens? What happens is your self-talk runs riot, you get angry, you want revenge and you blow it all out of context until it starts to eat you up. The other person is not doing this, it is your thoughts doing this, and therefore you are doing this to yourself.

If you are short of money, you can either sit and worry about why this is happening to you or you can let these thoughts go and concentrate on fixing it, so instead ask yourself “How can I change this? “What do I need to do to improve this situation”? “What can I cut back on, how can I reduce my out-goings, and what can I do to prevent this happening again”? The difference here is replacing ‘why’ with ‘how’, so instead of thinking why is this happening to me, think now how can I fix this.

If you are in a relationship and your partner does or says something that upsets you, it can become much bigger than it need be depending on how you think about it. If you start to blow it up with your self-talk it can easily become a much bigger issue.  All the negative thoughts build up and you can go from feeling love to feeling hate, in a very short time. When you finally sit down and talk about it together you realise that actually it is not that big a problem, at all. 

I know people that have been late for work due to traffic and by the time they get to work they are in a bad mood and stay that way all day.  Did the traffic cause this mood? No, it was their thinking about the situation that caused the mood. You can get angry and impatient and build up a sweat due to traffic, but where does this get you? There is nothing you can do about it, therefore just accept that it is out of your control and just go with it. This way when you arrive at work you explain the problem for your lateness was out of your control and you put it behind you.

So you see, it is your thoughts that cause your moods. Over thinking and negative thoughts can sabotage your life, but only if you allow it.

The other day I was sitting in traffic, I was listening to music and looking around and not paying attention to the hold up, when I noticed a mother rushing along, pushing an empty pushchair, and holding her little toddler’s hand.  In fact she was pretty much pulling the child along.  I looked at the mothers face, and could see she was in a rush and looked rather stressed. I then looked at the child’s face, and this brought a smile to my face. Whilst being pulled along the little toddler was muttering away and totally oblivious to being pulled along by Mummy. She was as happy as anything just watching her little feet take step after step, you could almost see that she was feeling each foot hit the floor, then she reached out to touch a flower, whilst still being pulled along, then she looked across at a barking dog pointing and muttering and all the while her mother was still rushing her along. The child, like all young children, was totally in the moment, enjoying everything around her, she was happy, she didn`t care about yesterday or tomorrow.  Children live in the now and don’t have worrying thoughts about yesterday or tomorrow and that is why children do not have moods. 

Don`t worry or get upset about what is out of your control, don’t concern yourself with what may be and what has been.  You can’t stop thoughts coming into your head, but you can take control of those thoughts. Instead of allowing damaging negative thoughts to reduce you to unhappiness, depression, anxiety etc., simply take a step back, consider your mood and then consider the thoughts that created the mood and then either let those thoughts go and move on or replace those negative thoughts with  positive thoughts.

Even when something traumatic happens, a death of a loved one or you have a serious accident, it is your thinking that will result in how well you cope with the event.  Of course you will feel relevant emotions, but it is the self-talk that will either drag you down into a big black hole or help you to accept and in time move forward.

You are in control of your thoughts; your thoughts create your emotions.

Once you realise the power you hold within, no one will ever have power over you again!

 

 

Hobby or Passion?

I just want you to consider the word ‘Hobby’.

The Wiki definition of the word is:

A hobby is a regular activity done for pleasure – typically during leisure e.g., collecting themed items and objects, engaging in creative and artistic pursuits, playing sports. Continual participation in a hobby can provide substantial skill and knowledge about it.

Now consider the word passion:

The Wiki definition of the word is:

Passion (from the Latin verb patī meaning to suffer) is a term applied to a very strong feeling about a person or thing. Passion is an intense emotion compelling, enthusiasm, or desire for anything.

If you go back over generations we were conditioned to believing that the thing you loved to do, that came easy to you, that was a pleasure to you, was just a hobby and that you needed to put this aside and get a proper job. A job was not something you had to enjoy, great if you did, but it was just a means to an end, it paid the bills!

Thankfully, we are awakening, and are now more aware.

Consider this:

To earn a living from doing something you love would mean you would never have to ‘work’ another day in your life!

If you are in a boring job, dread every morning and just live for the weekends, then now is the time to realise that life is for living not just for surviving.

We all have a talent, something we are passionate about, something that brings pleasure and fulfillment, and that something has been labeled a ‘Hobby’.  

It is not a ‘Hobby’ it is your Passion, your Talent and now is the time to bring your Talent to the forefront of your life. Even if you have to continue working, once you are pursuing your true passion, your life will have more meaning.

I believe we all have a life purpose and that purpose is to harness our Talent. The choice is yours; either ignore and forget your talent, or embrace it and live a fulfilled life.

As soon as you realise it isn’t just a ‘Hobby’ that it is your ‘Passion’, your ‘Talent’ then you will know the direction to follow and once you are on your path your life will become abundant.

Read my Life Purpose Blog to learn more about discovering the passion within.