How to Build Your Self Esteem

You know all those negative remarks you have continuously heard all your life, something like,  ‘you are a total idiot’, ‘you are useless, ‘you can’t do anything right’, ‘you will never get anywhere in this life’, and so on and so on.   They are all stored at an unconscious level, and have become part of the makeup of your self- belief.

You may have been criticised negatively, but from endearment, for instance by your parents and siblings, they didn’t necessarily mean you any harm.  You could have had others criticise you negatively, to get a laugh at your expense, or from jealousy, fear, hurt, hate, guilt,  to name a few.

You started to believe all the negative comments you were hearing about yourself and with every negative remark you took on board, your self-esteem decreased.  You became more introverted and self conscious.  You even started to admit to yourself that you are ‘useless’ and an ‘idiot’ and’ can’t do anything right’.  You start to feel de-motivated and believe that you will never amount to much!

Well I have some good news that I am going to share with you!

You will hear criticism throughout your life, simply because you cannot determine or prevent what someone else is going to say or think about you, because this is out of your control.  The only thing in this world that you do have total control over is YOU!

From now on remember this phrase…

“What anyone else thinks is none of my business”!

You had a choice and you chose to take the criticism on board.  There are some people that hear exactly the same stuff; however they choose not to believe it and to let it go, their self-esteem is intact. The only difference is they chose a different option.

You see, life is all about choices, you have control over you, no one else.  So make the choice right now, to let go of all those negative comments that you have been holding on to.  Make a promise to YOU right now that you will never again allow negative criticism ‘IN’ and that instead you will ‘LET IT GO’.

Start looking at yourself in a new fresh way, embrace all of your good points, your strengths, your gifts, your talents, love you and accept you.  Let go of all the negativity that has been holding you back; it is time to build your self-belief and to send your Self-Esteem shooting skywards.

It was  you who allowed it to be taken away and only you can bring it back.  Stop listening to that negative voice in your head; instead listen to the positive one that has been struggling for years to be heard.

Step 1. Let go of Negativity:

The next time someone criticises you negatively, visualise slamming the biggest heaviest wooden door and shutting it out!    If you get criticised, you don’t have to argue or fight, you just simply ‘let it go’.  You slam the door, and praise yourself.  Let go of those negative comments.  Remember, what anyone else thinks is none of your business.  Choose to remain positive; to see your value and to love you!

Step 2.   Increase your Self-Belief:

Remember the only thing you have total control over is you.  Don’t concern yourself with happenings that are out of your control.  If you judge yourself badly then you will project this, you must ensure that you remain positive.  Make a list of all of your attributes, your strengths, your talents.  Make a list and pin it up on a wall, read it every day.  Every time you hear your negative self-talk, slam that door shut and replace with positive self –talk.  Look in the mirror; stand tall, with your shoulders back, head high, look at you, and tell you  ‘I am unique, I am worthy and I am a good person’. The more positive you become the stronger you will become, the more you praise yourself, the more you will value yourself and the more motivated you will become.  When you love you, you will project this, and everyone else will see your worth too.

Step 3.  Take back control:

This doesn’t mean being passive or controlling your emotions to avoid confrontation. It means having a natural reflex that enables you to be the ‘greater person’ in tricky situations.  You see when you allow others’ to affect you; you are giving away your power to that person.  By believing in yourself and not allowing outside influences to affect you, you will hold on to your power, turn the other cheek and be the greater person.

Us human beings  are energy, we are one with the Universe.  When you feel good you generate good energy into the universe, when you concentrate on what you want you send ripples of positivity out into the universe and the universe will deliver.  Feel good, concentrate on what you want, dream big, believe in yourself and you will attract an abundant life.

 

 

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Self Talk and The Power Within!

Self Talk and the Power Within.

As we go through our day we are constantly thinking about and interpreting the situations we find ourselves in. That voice in side our head seems to determine how we perceive every situation. In NLP we refer to this inner voice as our ‘Self – Talk’ this includes our conscious thoughts and our unconscious assumptions and beliefs.

Practical self-talk is essential and does not cause any problems. However it’s the negative self-talk that can take us down into a big black whole, these thoughts can be unrealistic or self-defeating, such as ‘I’m going to fail for sure’, or ‘I am useless at everything”.

If you are suffering depression or anxiety it is likely that you interpret things negatively. That’s why it’s very important to become aware of your self-talk, and to then realise that you have the power to change the way you feel by changing your self-talk.

When we are worried and concerned we are usually either thinking back to the past or projecting into the future. The past is gone, you can’t change it, so don’t dwell on it, regrets are a waste of energy. The future you can never ever know, so why waste all that time playing out scenarios that may never happen. The only true moment we have is ‘NOW’ and right now we have all the resources we need and we will act accordingly. This is why in an emergency people take action they don’t worry and procrastinate, they are in the NOW.

Once you realise just how much control you truly have you will be able to turn your life around, to overcome moments of doubt, fear and procrastination. You will no longer allow outside influences to have a detrimental effect on your wellbeing.

You can challenge and change your self-talk. You can change the negative aspects of your thinking by challenging the irrational parts and replacing with more reasonable thoughts.
It doesn’t happen overnight but with practice, you will learn to notice your own negative self-talk as it happens, and consciously choose to think about situations in a more realistic and positive way.

Whenever you find yourself feeling depressed, angry, anxious or upset, use this as your trigger to take a step back and become aware of your thoughts, what is it you are telling yourself over and over?

Sometimes we can over react to a situation; we can become irrational, and jump to the wrong conclusions. When this happens it is useful to test the accuracy of your perceptions. To do this, first see the situation associated, so through your own eyes. Then see it as the other person, dissociated and then as a fly on the wall. This will enable you to see if your interpretations are factual or if you are jumping to conclusions. Consider that had you been more positive, would you have perceived the situation differently. Also consider if there are any alternative ways to view the situation. Ask yourself ‘is it as bad as you think it is’? ‘Is there anything good about the situation’? ‘Will it really matter this time next week or in a couple of months’?

Because you feel anxious, depressed or stressed, your self-talk is likely to be extreme, and you are likely to focus on the most negative aspects of your situation. Step away and consider what your thoughts are achieving, consider if you have any control over the situation, and if so what can you do to help change it.

Remember there is no failure, only feedback, so think about what you have learned from this situation in order to ensure that next time, you do things differently.
By becoming aware of your thoughts and monitoring your self-talk, you are taking back control. This gives you the power to choose what you let in and how you deal with it. You choose your state, you control ‘you’ and no one will ever be able to take that away, unless you allow it.

Instead of “why” try “how”. So instead of “why did this happen to me” replace with “How can I change this”

You and only you have the power within to change your life!